Chronicle

March 30th, 2003

Commonly Asked Questions
By Harijiwan

SAT NAM

Question:
I am a 35 year male with a spectacular looking body. I have been working out 8 hours a day for over 20 years. My parents were Cirque de Soleil performers. Will I be embarrassed going to a Kundalini yoga class where most of the people are out of shape, overweight, and dare I say, not that attractive?

Harijiwan:
No, you will not be embarrassed. They will stare at you---you gorgeous freak--- and you will enjoy it.

Question:
My doctor recommended I take Kundalini yoga to strengthen my back and lower my blood pressure. My back is better and my blood pressure is lower. But also, I’m less irritable, my relationship with my wife and kids is better, I received a promotion at work, I’m making more money, people tell me I look younger, I’m happier, I’m smarter, I’m funnier—What’s up with all that?

Harijiwan:
These are normal side effects of Kundalini yoga. They will only increase. The important thing is we keep strengthening that back of yours and get you more flexibility in the latissimus dorsi extension area.

Question:
I’ve been rolfed, TM’d, massaged, acupunctured. I’ve been crystal healed, faith healed, re-birthed and re-born. I’ve been to AA, Triple A, smokers anonymous, overeaters anonymous, debtors anonymous, and some anonymous group where no one would tell me their names, then studied with the church of the unconvinced, and been in mud. I’ve been Reiched, dreamed archetypes with Jungians, been logically positive and tried the behaviorists. I’ve done hatha, power, ashtanga and kriya, slow flow deep, and something called ‘Just Sitting Yoga.’ I’ve hung out with Marlboro smoking lamas, one armed Swiss farmers, been empowered, did Tantric sex with some guy into Rolls Royces. I’ve had beginners mind, no mind, Joe’s mind, and lost my mind. I’ve kicked boxed, been boxed, did Zen with some guy named Fen, did cocaine with the Freudians, mushrooms with the shamans, hashish with the brothers, took DMT with some dolphins in a tank (don’t try that one), and dropped acid with some deadhead shrinks. I’ve been hypnotized, regressed, progressed, finessed, contacted, abducted---Hell, I’ve even been coached. About the only thing I haven’t tried is hanging on a cross. Nothing worked. I’m still screwed up. Then I prayed and prayed to God for help. Help me! Help me! Finally God answered. He said NO! Will Kundalini yoga help me?

Harijiwan:
Stranger people than you have benefited. Try it.

Question:
Do you heat the room up hotter than hell for Kundalini yoga classes? You see, my last life was in hell. And yes, it is hot, hotter even than Phoenix. Although you meet a lot of interesting people and many famous people, I’m trying to get away from that whole hell thing.

Harijiwan:
No, the temperature in a Kundalini yoga class is very similar to the temperature in heaven.

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